best things heard/seen at mardi gras celebrations 1. The guy who came up to me and asked, "Do you like to play hide the sausage?" And then started screaming, "HIDE IT! HIDE IT!!!!!" before walking away. I yelled after him, "Why don't you show me how?" but, as he didn't show me, I don't think he heard.
2. The guy whose girlfriend was leading him through the crowd... by his crotch. In the best hick accent I've heard since being in East Texas, he yelled out, "Well gawd damn! I'm gittin' drugged bah mah bawls here!"
3. On the shuttle, the woman who said, in the best hick accent I've heard since seeing the guy getting "drugged" by his balls, "Ah stopped to watch them big ate-teen wheelers go bah on the overpass. If I were any drunker, Ah'd be like to puke with them big thangs goin bah so fa-yast!"
4. "Strange things happen in Idaho and Montana." -- Frodo. At Dairy Queen. In Children's Hospital.
5. Woman leaning out 2nd-story apartment window, screaming at the men below for beads. With her pre-pubescent daughter leaning out right next to her, screaming at the men below to throw up beads. I yelled, "I'M WEARING A TRAINING BRA, WANNA SEE MY BOOBS??"
6. Man leaning out 2nd story apartment window, yelling at women below. With his 5-year old son leaning out next to him, throwing beads to bare-breasted women. This apartment actually had the biggest crowd hanging around outside. Frodo and I stood and watched for 10 minutes, but couldn't figure out what the draw was. His conclusion was, "There really are a lot of pedophiles in the world. Haha!"
7. Drunk, mud-covered overalls-wearing hick yelling racial epithets at his friend on the packed subway. This wasn't so much funny as extremely uncomfortable. Frodo and I had been joking about starting a riot all day long. I turned to him and said, "Now, that guy wants to start a riot." "Yeah," Frodo replied, "If by 'riot,' what you actually mean is 'mob violence.'" We were relieved to arrive at our station with all limbs intact.
8. The three foot dildo one guy had hanging out his pants.
9. When, at one bar, I asked for water and got it, and then Frodo asked for water, the bartender just looked at him, said, "Bud light?", Frodo said, "No, water," and the bartender just shook his head and walked away. [In our defense, we were both really hungover from Friday night]
10. Assless chaps. 'Nuff said.